


S'More Or Less

by CaseyROCKS



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: Bad Jokes, F/F, F/M, Halloween, Humor, Originally Posted Elsewhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 00:10:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10546714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaseyROCKS/pseuds/CaseyROCKS
Summary: What happens when a few Rookie Blue characters go camping on Halloween? If I'm telling the story they have fun...S'more or less. WARNING: Contains cheesy jokes and mentions of cheesy puffs. If you are sensitive to either...move along. {.g.}This was originally written for the Academy of Bards Halloween Special.  My first foray into RB fanfic was crashing the Academy Valentine Invitational.  Figured I would go for crashing both in the same year.  YAY ME!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Rookie Blue, (petulant) Gail Peck and (the coolest chick ever) Dr. Holly Stewart belong to Shaw Media and ABC. I cannot claim ownership of them or any other of the show’s characters in my story. I can't even claim to own the DVDs. I've only actually seen clips and vids on You Tube. I'm not making any money from this {snort} so no harm, no foul. I always return characters I borrow in the same condition I found them in...well, sometimes a bit happier. 
> 
> <.stepping up on soapbox.>  
> Considering how the series ended, they need all the happy they can get. Yes, I saw the ending. And yes, RB creators/writers…you blew it. Y’all knew this could be the last season.  
> ‘Go big or go home’.  
> They just waved (resorted to bad clichéd soap writing) and went home. Shame.  
> My opinion, yours may vary and that’s cool.  
> <.stepping down off soapbox.>
> 
> If you have read any of my other stories or series, you’ll know that I write humor. There is no angst, no drah-ma, no icky stuff. A lot of the humor derives from inside jokes based on show canon, head canon or the real lives of the actors. In this story, add in my love of cheesy, pun-filled, silly jokes. 
> 
> This story stands alone. However, one important detail was first introduced and further explained in my prior two stories -- Operation: Officer Lunchbox and Operation: Undercover Lunchbox. If you are looking strictly for the canon RB Universe…you aren’t going to find it here. 
> 
> Be sure to check out the final Author’s Note at the end of the story for some important credit information.  
> Onward. I’ll take GOLLY for $200 Alex….  
> The answer: the name of a punny Officer Lunchbox Halloween camping story  
> The question: What is...S'More Or Less

 

 

“Why was the skeleton sad?”  There was a short pause.  “Because he lost his funny bone.”

“Oh my God - that is so lame,” Gail offered while the rest of them chuckled at the bad joke. “Seriously, Holly?”

“I’m a dead people doctor, Gail.  Of course I would tell a skeleton joke.”  Holly ruffled Gail’s hair.

“Speaking of funny bones… does your ass have one?  Mine is numb.”  Gail fidgeted around.  The blonde was sitting on the ground between Holly’s legs and was leaned back against her.  Holly was perched off the ground on a log.

Holly reached down and pinched Gail in the butt.

“HEY!?!” Gail scrambled to her feet.

“You’ll live.”  Holly gestured to the empty lawn chairs next to where they were sitting. “Pick a chair, Peck.”

Gail crossed her arms and faux pouted for a second.  Holly just grinned at her.  When an equally evil grin was returned, the Doctor knew something was coming.  The Officer used her feet to nudge Holly’s legs together.  When satisfied she had a lap to sit in, she did just that.  “Happy now?”

Gail wiggled a bit to get settled.  She pulled one of Holly’s arms across her front, like a seatbelt.  She leaned slightly back so that Holly would, and did, automatically wrap her other arm around her to keep her from falling off.  Gail smiled smugly and thought _mission accomplished._

Gail leaned her head on Holly’s shoulder as Holly shook with chuckles.  “Yep,” she answered with an exaggerated popped ‘p’.  She smirked at the other campers that lined the half-circle around the fire pit.

“Okay, whose turn is it for the next joke?” Traci asked.

“Why don’t you tell one, Mom?” Leo asked.

“Ummm, let’s see….  This one is kinda bad but… what do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a ghost?”  Traci looked at her companions.  “Give up?”  She smiled, “A Cocker Poodle Boo.”

Groans were heard from all of the campers. Traci stifled her own chuckle.  “I told you it was bad.”  She tickled Leo.  “Your turn, my boy.”

Leo scrunched up his face like he was thinking hard. “I know.”  He smiled broadly. “What do ghosts have up their noses?”  He wiggled and snickered in his chair, while he waited impatiently for an answer. “BOO-gers.”  Leo broke out in the giggles which spread infectiously to the adults.

“Hey?  What did I miss?”  Chris returned to the campsite carrying several bottles which he proceeded to pass out.  He handed bottles to Steve, Traci and Holly.  “Beer, beer and beer.”  He shuffled the remaining bottles around in his hands.  “Root beer for you.”   A bottle was handed to Leo.  “The fishing gear and leftover food is put away and the dishes are all clean.  Explain to me again why I am doing all the routine camping chores?”   He went to hand a bottle to Gail.

“You are the only one here, except for Holly, who has been camping before,” Gail answered and reached out for the beer.  “Those tents,” she gestured over her shoulder, “weren’t going to put themselves together, y’know.”

“So why is Holly not helping?” Chris held onto the bottle, then looked over and winked at Holly.

“Holly is doing her part by keeping me happy and out of your way. That is a full time job. Let’s face it, if Gail ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

“Better you than me, Doc.”  Chris had to agree.  He tipped the bottle in salute and then handed the beer to Gail.  He turned to go back to his chair but stopped first to check on the campfire.  He knelt down and added a few more small logs that were sitting close by.  “Oh, since Holly is keeping you so happy, I guess that means that you won’t need these.” Chris stood back up and brushed his hands together to rid them of the dirt from the logs.  He then turned and yanked open the snaps on his thermal vest and pulled out a bag of cheesy puffs.  He shook the bag at Gail.

“Gimme!”  The blonde’s eyes lit up.

“Or what?”  His eyes were twinkling with mirth.  He walked back to his chair and sat down, then shook the bag again.

“Or I’ll put my foot so far….”

“GAIL!?!” Traci admonished and moved to cover Leo’s ears.

The blonde took a deep breath and waved for Traci to remove her hands from Leo’s ears.  “Please, kind sir,” she said in a child-like voice. “May I have the bag of cheesy orange goodness?  I will gladly share them with the deserving masses.” She gestured around the campsite and batted her eyes at him.

Chris handed it to Steve and it passed from person to person until it got to Gail. 

“SUCKERS!”  Gail tore into the bag.  She laughed manically, “Muwahahahahahaha. There are no deserving masses but me.”  She offered one to Holly but pulled it back at the last second when the good doctor went to snap it off with her teeth.  She kissed Holly’s nose and relented and let her have the snack.  Gail then shoved another few cheesy puffs in her own mouth.

“I dink ist yers tun.” Gail gestured in the direction of the guys.

The older man turned to Chris.  ”We have been telling {cough} bad {cough} Halloween jokes and riddles.  You got one?”

“Of course,” Chris clasped his fingers together and stretched his arms out, “Thanks to my time with Christian, I got a million of them.”

“Take your best shot, loser.”

Chris stuck his tongue out at Gail. “What do you call a short vampire?”

The group looked at each other, then back at Chris.

“A pain in the knee.”  He slapped his own knee and laughed.  The others were just staring at him. “What?  You said bad.”

“And you succeeded, grasshopper.”

“Okay, Steve, that just leaves you and blondie here to tell one.”  Holly gave Gail a squeeze.

“All righty, I’ll go,” Gail jumped in before Steve could volunteer.  “Why do demons and ghouls hang around together?”  Gail grinned, and with her best, breathless Marilyn Monroe imitation, broke out into song, “Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.” Gail leaned back, and kicked her feet up with glee.  She fully trusted Holly to keep her from falling. The others chuckled in spite of themselves.

Holly shook her head in disbelief. “And you called my joke bad.” She leaned Gail back as if to drop her but stopped at the last second.

“Whoa.”  Gail gripped Holly tighter. “Not funny, Lunchbox.”

Holly just grinned at her.

“I don’t get it,” Leo said. 

“It’s a play on the old…” realization hit Gail, “oh-so-before-your-time song ‘Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend’.”

“I thought it was dogs.”

“That’s man’s best friend.”

“I like dogs too.”

“And boy’s best friend.”

“So shouldn’t girl’s best friends be pussycats?”

Holly quickly clamped a hand over Gail’s mouth. “Gail! Don’t even think about saying what you were going to say.”  Traci added a scolding finger wave at her.

Gail grinned at them both.  “Par-tay Poo-pers.”  She popped all the ‘p’s.

Steve slapped his hands together and everyone turned their attention to him.  “HA! My turn. Saved the best for last.  _A guy named…”_ Steve paused to think, “ _Stevie Joe Bob Smart Alec got a last minute invitation to a Halloween Party.”_

“True story then, Bro?” Gail snarked. 

“Shut it, Casper.  It’s my turn to dazzle you with a Halloween joke.”

“Oh please - the idea of me camping on Halloween is a huge joke in itself.”

“Hush, Gail. Stop being a cranky pants.” Holly pinched Gail’s butt. “You were the one who proposed this Halloween joke off.”

“Fine, fine... continue.” Gail rolled her eyes.

_“Anyway, Stevie wanted to go but he didn’t have a costume. So he thought and thought and thought and then it hit him.”_

“Oh good, because if he thought anymore, I was going to hit him.”

“Auntie Gail?!?”

Gail smiled at Leo and waved at Steve to continue. 

_“Steve called his girlfriend and told her about the party and the costume idea he had.  She agreed. He picked her up later that night and they went to the party at… ummmm… Pale Gail Dumbasadoornail’s house.”_

“Clever.  NOT!”

Steve smirked at his sister and continued.  _“Stevie walked into the party with his girlfriend strapped to his back.”_

Gail and Holly looked at each other.

_“He made his way over to the punchbowl when Pale Gail caught up with him.  She asked him about his costume. **‘** What are you supposed to be?’ she queried.  _

_Stevie replied he was dressed as a turtle._

_‘A turtle?  What do you mean, a turtle?’ she asked._

_Stevie replied, **“** The girl on my back is… Michelle **.”**_

Gail reached down by her feet and grabbed one of the pinecones they were using for kindling and tossed it, hitting Steve in the chest.

“Ow!”

“Oops, sorry, I was aiming for your hollow head.”

The doctor nudged Gail in the side then turned her attention to the boy. “Okay, Leo, which joke was the best?” Holly asked.

Leo pretended to think for a moment.  “Mine!”  He giggled.

“Saw that one coming,” Gail muttered.  “What Holly wants to know is which joke besides yours was the best.”

Leo looked around the campsite at everyone. “Mommy’s.”

“Suck it up, Gail, my boy here is a diplomat in the making.”   Traci smiled.  “He knows who hands out the allowance.”  She tickled Leo.

“Well, I’m not an expert on seven year old humor but I would say that Steve had the best, worst one.” Holly offered and then realized how confusing that sounded.  Chris nodded in agreement.

“Et tu, Nerd?” Gail deadpanned.

“YES! I am Captain of the Universe.”  Steve stood up and did a happy dance.

“Slow down there, brother of mine.  So you told a horrible joke.  We all know that the telling of spooky stories is where the true genius lies.”

“I don’t know any spooky stories, Auntie Gail.”

“Me either,” Chris added.

“Let’s me out too,” Traci admitted.  “Gail, if you and Steve do this, please keep the gore to a minimum.”  She pointed at young Leo.

“So, Stevie boy… you in or out?”

“In.”

“Hey, can I play too?” Holly asked.  “I kind of have a Halloween story.”

“You, my dear, sexy nerdlette, never have to ask if you can play with me.  Rawr.”  Gail growled playfully and then waggled her eyebrows.

“All right, who is going first?”  Chris inquired.

“Since I got to go last in the joke round, I want to go first. Is that okay with you and Holly?” Steve asked.

“Sure, fine with me,” Holly nodded her head.  “Gail?”

“Yep, I would like to go last.”

“Guess that means I am the middle in the Peck Oreo here.”  Holly laughed.

Gail, who was going to try to stare Steve into submission, did a double take, “Oooh, I love Oreos.  Does that mean later I can…?”

Holly quickly covered Gail’s mouth before she could finish that sentence.  “What has gotten into you tonight?” The Doctor carefully turned Gail’s head so she was looking right at Leo. 

Gail had the decency to blush.  She kissed Holly’s palm and removed the hand from her mouth. “All right, Captain - get on with it.”  

Steve stood up and walked around the campsite.  He extinguished all the lanterns.  The only light was the campfire.  He sat back down and began.

_“There was an old man named Buford.  He lived in a cabin deep in the woods near, ummmm, Moose Jaw.”_

“Wait.  Where is Moose Jaws?” Leo interrupted.

Chris jumped in before Steve could. “Moose Jaws is about seven feet from a moose’s butt.”  He high-fived Steve.

“Traci?” Gail pleaded.

“This one is on me.”  Traci popped Steve on the back of the head.

“OW!.  It’s sooooooooo noooooooot my faaauuuuuuuult.  Chris is the one who said it.”

“Right before you were going to, admit it.”

“Okay, okay - right before I was going to.” He leaned to one side before Traci could pop him again.  “May I continue now?”

“Sure.”

_“Moose Jaw is in_ _Saskatchewan.  But anyway,_ _Buford was a bit of a hermit and made his living trapping and fishing.  Buford didn’t like people but he did like dogs.  Buford had a dog named Louie.  Louie’s mother was a bloodhound and his father was a wolf.  He got his keen nose from his Mom but his looks were all from his Dad. Buford raised him from a puppy and the two were usually quite inseparable.”_

Steve got up and started walking back and forth behind the other campers as he continued his story.

 _“Well... almost inseparable.  The only time that Buford wouldn’t take Louie with him was when he checked his traps.  Buford was afraid that Louie’s wolf instincts would take over and he didn’t want to lose his catches.  So Buford would leave Louie at home to guard the cabin.”_ Steve stopped behind Chris.

“Good doggie,” Leo said.

“Yes, good doggie.”  Steve then moved behind Traci and Leo.  _“Anyway, this one day while out checking his traps, Buford just got a weird feeling that things were not right at home.  He hurried back but when he got there, Louie was nowhere to be found.  He searched and searched in the woods around the house.  He searched by the lake.  He called and called but Louie never answered.  He searched for three days but there was no sign of Louie.”_

“Aw poor Louie.”

 _“Poor Louie,”_ Steve agreed and patted Leo on the shoulder.  He then moved behind Gail and Holly. _“And poor heartbroken Buford.  He had no choice but to carry on and go back to work. The next day, as he grabbed his gun and was about to leave to check his traps, he heard something moving around in the attic.  He carefully closed the front door.  Not knowing what was there he decided he better be quiet.  He took his boots off and left them near the door.  He grabbed his gun again.  Slowly he turned, step by step; inch-by-inch he crept closer and closer to the attic stairs.  The only sound was his beating heart.”_

**_LUB-DUB  LUB-DUB  LUB-DUB  LUB-DUB_ **

_“In his bare feet he quietly climbed the stairs one by one until he was at the attic door. He leaned against the door to see if he could hear anything.  But all was quiet.  He turned the knob and pushed on the door to open it.  He stepped into the attic and....”_

Steve then screamed, _“AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!”_   which was quickly echoed by the surprised others.  Steve just calmly walked back to his chair and sat down.

“Waitaminute.  That’s it?” Holly asked, after calming down a bit.

Gail just gave him an incredulous look.

“Yeah, seriously?  You are going to stop there?”  Chris chimed in.

Steve sat there silently.

Traci arched an eyebrow at him.

Leo finally asked, “What happened to Buford?  Why did he scream?”

Steve grinned. “You’d scream too if you stepped on a nail with your bare feet.”

Gail looked at Traci and snapped her fingers.  Traci leaned over and smacked Steve on the back of the head.

“OW! HEY!?!”  He looked at Traci and then turned, narrowed his eyes at Gail and stuck out his tongue.  “Can you beat that?”

Holly patted Gail’s knee and silently asked her to stand up. The blonde complied.  When Holly stepped away from the log, Gail resumed a seat and stretched her legs out.  “Show’em who’s boss, Lunchbox.”

Holly smiled at Gail and then turned to face the others.  She needed to keep Gail behind her if she was going to be able to tell this story with a straight face. She took a breath and started, _“Once upon a time…”_

“In a galaxy far, far away,” Gail chimed in with a grin.

Holly looked skyward and then turned to face her wife. “Hush, you scruffy nerf-herder.”

Gail grabbed her chest and wiped an imaginary tear. “You **_do_** love me.” 

Holly just shook her head and gave Gail her lopsided grin.  “May I?”

“Go ahead.”

Looking back at the others, she started again. _“Once upon a time…”_ Holly turned quickly and silenced Gail with a quick look. Gail just smiled sweetly. _“There was a family… a dad and a mom, a brother and a sister and a little toddler.  The family decided to go on vacation.  This one particular day, they spent sightseeing and driving all over the place.  It was late when they finally decided to stop for the night.  The first hotel they stopped at was full.  They drove a little further but it seemed that every hotel was full.  They finally found one little out of the way motel and stopped in there.”_

Holly stepped in front of Leo. _“The family was desperate.  It was getting colder and they were hungry and tired.  The father went to the front desk to see about some rooms.  The clerk shook his head and broke the news that they were full up. The father pleaded for any room they could spare.  The clerk thought for a minute and told him that they did have one room but they didn’t normally let people stay in it.  The bathroom wasn’t in the room but across the hall.  He also told him that the guests say it is haunted and no guest has ever spent the whole night in it.  The father, knowing how cold, tired and hungry his family was feeling, told the clerk they would take it.  He also told him he didn’t believe in ghosts.”_

“Uh oh,” Leo uttered.

Holly grinned and shook her head.  She tweaked Leo’s nose, then began to pace. _“The father got the key and directed his family to the room.  They were too tired to go back out, so he called a local pizzeria for delivery.  It didn’t take long for the pizza to show up.  While the Dad paid for it the mother set it on the counter.  The mother informed the kids that they all needed to wash up so they could eat and that she was going first.”_

Holly stopped in front of Traci.  _“The Mom went off to the bathroom.  She just finished drying her hands when she heard a scary voice say ‘_ _BLOOOODDDDYYYYY FINNNNGGGGEEEERRRR.’”_

“Holly?” Traci’s voice had a warning tone.  She cut her eyes to Leo and then back at Holly.

Holly shook her head.  “Trust me.”

Traci nodded once.

Holly continued. _“She looked all around the bathroom and then heard it again._

**_‘_ ** _BLOOOODDDDYYYYY FINNNNGGGGEEEERRRR.’  The Mom got so scared she jumped out the window and ran away.”_

Holly moved to stand in front of Steve. _“So then the Dad, who was waiting for his turn to wash up, went looking for the Mom.  He knocked on the bathroom door but there was no answer.  He opened the door and went in.  He looked around, puzzled as to where his wife might have gone.  He was going to take a closer look at the open window when he heard it.  ‘BLOOOODDDDYYYYY FINNNNGGGGEEEERRRR **.’**  Well, he didn’t wait to hear it again; he jumped out the window and ran away.”_

Holly now stepped over to Chris.  _“The oldest boy child listened to his tummy growl and decided he wanted to wash up because he wanted that pizza.  He walked off to the bathroom.  He knocked on the door and no one answered, so he opened the door and went over to the sink to wash his hands.  He just finished up and turned to leave when he heard it. ‘BLOOOODDDDYYYYY FINNNNGGGGEEEERRRR **.’** A few seconds later he heard it again only this time louder.” _ Holly raised her voice, _“’BLOOOODDDDYYYYY FINNNNGGGGEEEERRRR **.’**  He decided he wasn’t that hungry and jumped out the window and ran away.”_

“Hi honey.” Holly smiled at Gail as she moved to where her wife was sitting. _“The girl child was tired, cranky and hungry.  She was the one who never let anything stand between her and food.  The pizza smelled so good.  She decided that she wasn’t waiting for the others, so she went off to the bathroom.  She let herself into the room and went over to the sink._

 _As she was washing her hands, she heard it. ‘BLOOOODDDDYYYYY FINNNNGGGGEEEERRRR **.’** Then again but louder.”_  Holly raised her voice with each utterance, _“’BLOOOODDDDYYYYY FINNNNGGGGEEEERRRR.’ Then a third time even louder. ‘BLOOOODDDDYYYYY FINNNNGGGGEEEERRRR.’ Well, the girl was no dummy; she jumped out the window and hightailed it out of there.”_

Now Holly moved back to Leo.  _“Ok... so all that's left is the toddler.  He was pretty upset that he was all alone and he couldn’t reach the pizza on the counter.  So he made his way to the bathroom to find the others.  (Hmmmm, the bathroom is empty; where did they go?) he thought.  As he stood there trying to figure out how to reach the sink he heard the voice. ‘_ _BLOOOODDDDYYYYY FINNNNGGGGEEEERRRR.’ Then a second time louder. ‘BLOOOODDDDYYYYY FINNNNGGGGEEEERRRR’, and a third time even louder. ‘BLOOOODDDDYYYYY FINNNNGGGGEEEERRRR.’ The boy was really frustrated now.  He sat down on the edge of the tub and crossed his arms.  The scary, scary voice said it again, really loud, ‘BLOOOODDDDYYYYY FINNNNGGGGEEEERRRR.’  Finally the boy shouts,  ‘AWWWW, STICK A BANDAID ON IT and get me some pizza’.”_

The group clapped and Chris whistled. Holly took a mock bow and went back to her seat.  She pulled Gail up and slapped her butt.  “Your turn.”  Then added with a wink, “Make it good.”

“All right, losers, be prepared to be amazed and astonished. I’m gonna show you how this is done.”  Gail cracked her knuckles and stared down each of the others.  She walked over to the fire pit.

“You even think about extinguishing that fire and I’ll toss you in the lake.” Chris challenged.

“Fine.”  She blew out a frustrated breath, “Then can I have a flashlight?”

Chris got up and went to his tent.  He dug around in his backpack and took out a flashlight, which he brought back to Gail.

“Thank you.”  Gail clicked on the flashlight.  She then opened her thermal jacket a bit and stuffed the flashlight down in the front of it.  She rezipped it to hold the light against her chest with the beam illuminating her face from below her chin.  She made a last few minor adjustments and decided she was ready.

Gail looked among the group and started, _“It was a night like tonight… a full moon peeking out from behind dark and stormy clouds.”_

“Uh, Casper?  It’s not really _that_ dark tonight,” Steve said.

“Or stormy,” Chris added.

“Sorry, honey, no full moon either.” Holly shrugged.

Gail looked up, then put her hands on her hips and blew out a frustrated breath.  She had to agree with the others; she didn’t like it, but she had to agree.  There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and a crescent moon shone down along with millions of stars. 

_“Fine.  It was a clear night and three boys decided to go hiking in the woods.  The boys were named Chris, Steven Francis….”_

“Hey!”

Gail just grinned, _“and Leo.”_   She pointed at each one in succession as she named them.  _“All of a sudden a freak storm came up.  The wind began to howl… wooooooooooooo.”_

Gail knelt down in front of Leo.  “Help me howl.”

“Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”

“Good job.  Whenever I mention the wind, you howl, okay?” She patted him on his knee and stood back up. Gail walked back over to Holly and retrieved something from the ground.  She continued her story.  _“The wind was howling….”_

“Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”

She smiled at Leo.  _“and the sky opened up and it began to rain.”_   She turned, opened the bottle in her hand and threw the cap to the side. She poured the contents onto her other hand and flicked water at the others.

“Gail, what the…?”

“I’m setting the scene.”

“More like wetting the scene,” Traci mumbled and wiped some of the water off her face.

“Po-tay-toe, to-may-toe.”  Gail handed the empty bottle to Traci and continued. _“The boys didn’t like being caught out in the woods in the rain and the thunder and the lightning.  They began to run through the woods looking for any kind of shelter.”_

She points at Chris. “ _Finally, Chris saw what looked like an old abandoned house in the distance.  ‘Let’s go there’, he said.  The others agreed.  They were wet and tired. They slogged through some more mud and finally reached the house.  The house sat on a lake and was definitely abandoned.  Some of the windows were broken and the porch was missing a step.  Plus, there were bottles, cans and trash all over the porch.  It looked like other hikers had used the house for their own private parties.”_ Gail made some exaggerated creeping movements and lowered her voice a bit. _“They carefully walked up the stairs to the front door.  They didn’t see any lights on but they wanted out of the rain.”_

The group leaned forward in their seats to hear what was coming next.

_“Steven Francis pushed the door open.”_

_CREEEEEAK_

Gail screamed and jumped back, _“AHHHHHHHH! And some rats came scurrying out.”_   She laughed when the others jumped back in their seats.

_“The boys entered the foyer and saw more trash that littered the floor but they didn’t care.  They were now out of the rain and the wind.”_

“Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”

Gail gave Leo a thumbs’ up.  “ _Just as they were about to go exploring the upstairs they heard a voice.”_  Gail took on a high pitch squeaky voice.

_“‘HELLLLP! If the log rolls over, we’ll drown, we’ll drown.’_

_The boys, thinking the voice came into the house through one of the broken windows, ran back outside to the lake to look for the person.  They didn’t see anything in the water.  So they thought that may they just hallucinated the whole thing.”_

“Honey, hallucinating is when you see things that aren’t there.”  Holly just couldn’t help herself.

 _“So they thought that they just halluci-heard the whole thing.”_   Gail turned to Holly.  “Happy, Ms. Literal?”

“Halluci-hearing is not…”

Gail gave her a droll look.

“Carry on,” Holly offered.

Gail turned and faced the others and went back to telling her story _. “The boys just got back in the house when they heard it again.”_  Gail’s high pitch squeaky voice appeared again.

_“’HELLLLP! If the log rolls over, we’ll drown, we’ll drown.’_

_Steven Francis and Chris began to shake.  They were so scared.”_   She smirked at both of them and turned to Leo and Traci.  _“Leo took out his flashlight and was going to look for the voice they were hearing.  He only got a few steps up on his way to the second floor when the voice pleaded again._

_‘HELLLLP! If the log rolls over, we’ll drown, we’ll drown.’_

_This time he knew the voice didn’t come from the upper floor.  He came back down the stairs and made his way to a room in the back.   The other boys reluctantly followed him.  Leo stopped at a doorway and held up a hand for the others to stop as well.  He shined his flashlight around the room.  It was a kitchen.  Just like the rest of the house, there was trash everywhere._

_‘HELLLLP! If the log rolls over, we’ll drown, we’ll drown.’_

_He followed the sound and moved the flashlight’s beam.  The light glinted off something in the far corner.  It was a sink full of water.  The boy quietly moved closer.  In that sink, there was a cork bobbing in that water and on that cork sat two tiny ants._

_‘HELP! If this log rolls over, we’ll drown, we’ll drown.  Save us!  Save us!’”_

Gail broke out into laughter.  She turned and winked at Holly, then high-fived Leo.  Finally she addressed her brother.  “Well?”

Steve, wide-eyed and panicked, stood up so fast his chair flipped over.  

"T-t-too in-t-t-tense."

"C’mon, you wuss.  It was just a joke.  And it wasn't even that scary.”

“No no no no… I j-j-j-just saw t-t-two skunks g-g-go into our t-t-tents."

**“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”**

The end  

 

**Final Authors Note: The punny stories you just read are called shaggy dog stories.  By definition a shaggy dog story is a long funny anecdote that involves narration of unimportant incidents/details and ends with an absurd or irrelevant punchline.  Let’s just say that the majority of these put the ‘pun’ in the punchline.  There are tons of them available in anthology books and on the internet.  I have been reading (and enjoying) them for decades.  I would love to give credit to their rightful creators but most have been posted and reposted to the point that finding the correct person to credit would be pretty much impossible.  I can’t GIVE credit but I can certainly state unequivocally that I am NOT TAKING any credit for them.**

 

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note: Thank you to my Beta extraordinaire. Although she is usually the one responsible for dragging me to the darkside of more and more fandoms, alas, I cannot blame her for my rabid interest in this one. I found it all by myself. Again, I’m using her favorite excuse line in this, but she promised not to sue me. She knows it has become a lucky charm of sorts. Mistakes are all mine and so are all the commas. You can never have too many of those. Commas, not mistakes. {g}


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